Dear Oakley Lyn, 

 

My noodle girl. When I lay in bed at night, I can’t believe that you used to lay in our bed with your feet on my back, and it would bother me. I would do anything to have you put your clammy feet on my back now. I can’t thank you enough for all of the memories you gave Daddy and I, through the good and the bad. 

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When you came to us as a little baby, I didn’t even know how to change a diaper or install a carseat. Through you, we learned so many things that I didn’t know I would have to learn. You had ear infection after ear infection and I was so scared for you to be sick. I’ll never forget the time you had to get another Rocephin shot. Those are so painful, and you knew as soon as the nurse was laying you down, that you were getting another shot in the leg. You looked at me as I held your hand and the look you gave me said, “Please don’t do this again”. We both cried, and afterward a nurse walked in with a popsicle and I didn’t know if it was for me or for you because we were both so upset. 

 

I know that I didn’t give birth to you, but I wish I did. You were everything I’d ever dreamed of having in a child. Daddy and I wished and waited so long for a baby, and even though you came to us in an unconventional way, I loved you like you were my own biological child. I loved when strangers would tell us that we had the same smile, because it meant that people thought I could have even an ounce of your beauty. I will never forgive myself for not protecting you more when you went back to your biological parents. I thought I was doing everything by calling CPS and making reports to DCYF, but it didn’t save you, and for that I am so sorry. If I could mail this letter to you, I’d want you to know that you’re making waves and that so many people are taking action. People in our little town, our state and around the World know who you are and are thinking of you, praying for you and doing everything in their power to make sure you’re found and that this doesn’t happen again. I knew that you’d be influential someday, I just wish it wasn’t breaking our hearts in the process. Thank you for loving us, and I promise you that we will do everything we can to bring you justice and to protect your siblings. 

 

Lovingly, 

Your Mama